I was a naive 18 year old pursuing my High School studies at Makerere College School when I met him. He happened to be the flamboyant Chairman of Lumumba Hall at Makerere University. He lived the high life that any juvenile would admire. A chance to have him as my friend was a good dream come true. When I was suspended by the school for a week, he offered to host me in his room at the University. I loved the opportunity to smoke and drink alcohol freely while there. I also admired his talk about the Engineering course he was doing. This encouraged me to also read harder and ensure that I got that chance to join Makerere University on Government sponsorship (to the young, there was a time when tertiary education in Uganda was strictly Government funded and you either got the government support or experienced a halt in your studies).
The following year I happened to join the University and I was given Lumumba Hall as my residence. This even made me happier because I now had a chance to rub shoulders with someone who had inspired me to read hard and pass my exams (I know he didn’t know this and is probably learning about it now if it isn’t too late). Life in the fast lane saw him collide with the law and I was one of those that shed quite some tears when he was incarcerated for some time at Luzira Prison. That was the last time I heard of him and it took me close to 14 years to rediscover him. When I joined Facebook, he was all over the place and as usual had never lost his darling of the crowd character. I tried a number of times to touch base with him on my visits to South Africa but somehow failed. We however continued communicating online.
I always knew him as this bravado, cow boy never die kind of guy. Fearless yet loving, Intelligent and a go getter, A doer and challenger of the status-quo. Two years ago, in an emotional outburst on Facebook about his family, I noticed that beneath that bravado outlook lay a normal man, vulnerable like anyone else, yearning for something that never was in his past. I had been all along wrong to assume he was a ‘kyuma kya steel” (a steel rod).
Life can have turbulences but there is always hope in Jesus Christ
I woke up today only to find some disturbing posts on his Facebook timeline and hence the reason to pen down my advice. He says;
“OK let me say the truth from my heart. The only reason I’ve been living up to now is my children. They love me so much and I love them double. However I feel whatever I’m doing is for them and then I’d like to go and rest. I would like to go and rest but I want my children to be taken care of. If you are my friend or family, take care of my children. They are the only reason I’m living.”
Brother, you are right to be honest with your innerself and this gives others a chance to share with you. You didn’t come to this world merely because of your children. We are all sent by God for a certain purpose and true fulfilment is in pursuit of that purpose.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God definitely has a good and great plan for your life. You just have to trust Him and avoid taking control. Without Him, all you do will come to nought.
Proverbs 16:9 “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps” We may plan things our way and do them based on our will but God is the perfect one at establishing what is best for us. He governs over all that we can imagine and attempt to do. So it is important to seek His counsel. It’s God that enables you to do what you do for your children. Even the love you have for them is God given.
Have you taken time to discover that mandate God gave you?
Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. There is work God prepared for you and if you choose to ‘rest’ now you’ll have interrupted His plan for you and for mother earth. Remember there are many people you already inspire, yours truly inclusive. Any decision you make will have far reaching implications beyond your immediate family. We may not be with you physically but we mind when we hear that something bad has happened to you and rejoice when something good also happens. Such coverage makes us proud of you.
You continue to say;
“… But Anne is also the lady who kept quiet when I made all the mistakes I made and caused much pain to her. Anne was the quiet woman. I bear the responsibility for that much pain.”
You definitely are carrying a heavy burden that is sinking you. It seems to be eating you from the inside and you don’t seem to know what to do. There is a way out brother. This is why Jesus Christ dies for us. His word says,
Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Christ calls upon you to reach out to him and exchange your heavy burden for his light one. He’ll sort you out if you only have a contrite heart. God’s word says in Psalms 34:18-20 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.” Turn to the Lord and you’ll be safe from all these demons tormenting your spirit. You have tried it all on your own and now it’s time to give God a chance.
In another post you say;
“… I always tell God that “look here. I’ve done my part in the world. Why don’t you take me away and I go and rest? But He doesn’t.” I want to go and rest. I feel I’ve done my best, the others can continue. I really want to rest.”
According to you, you’ve done your part but have you done God’s part? Have you fulfilled his plan for your life? This reminds me of the parable of the young rich man in the Bible that came to Jesus and wanted eternal life. Apparently he said he had done everything and fulfilled all the commandments. Jesus then answered him, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” In your case this means that you may have seen it all, done it all and no longer see what else there is to achieve in Life but this is the time for you to put aside all your achievements and follow Christ. Believe you me, you’ll get the fulfilment you are yearning for. God needs you alive for now and the fact that you haven’t yet been called to rest, there is still some incomplete work.
“I tell God that ‘I love you. I’ve done what you want me to do. Why don’t you now take me away?’. I don’t now have to prove anything else.”
I am not here to judge you but use these yardsticks to assess your love for God:
- You first and foremost have to know Him. How do you know Him? By reading His Word (The Bible)
- To love God is to put him first. Mark 12:30, Psalm 73:25
- To love God is to desire Him and yearn for his righteousness. Psalm 42:1, Psalm 19:8-10
- To Love God is to Obey Him. This isn’t an issue of merely following rules and doing good deeds. It’s about having God’s love written indelibly on our hearts. John 14:15, John 14:23, John 15:10
“Whatever God asked me to do, I’ve done. I’m simply tired.”
Brother, I don’t really think so. If you had done ALL that God told you to do, you wouldn’t be weary. You’d be basking in joy with the accomplishments. In Christ is Peace and Love, No strife. I believe that you need to take a closer look at your relationship with God and see how you can know the unfinished business He has for you.
Its also not upto you to decide when to ‘rest’ like you state in your posts. The giver of Life will also be the best person to decide when to take it away.
So, for starters, I request that you consider inviting Jesus Christ into your life and allowing Him to take charge of all you do because the word says;
John 14:6 “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well…”
John 3:16-19 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.”
Romans 10:9 says “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
And Jesus further assured Nicodemus that, “… Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.”
Now if you haven’t yet embraced Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour, just speak out these words;
“God, I recognise that I have not lived my life for You up until now. I have been living for myself and that is wrong. I need You in my life; I want You in my life. I acknowledge the completed work of Your Son Jesus Christ in giving His life for me on the cross at Calvary, and I long to receive the forgiveness you have made freely available to me through this sacrifice. Come into my life now, Lord. Take up residence in my heart and be my king, my Lord, and my Savior and my Guide. From this day forward, I will no longer be controlled by sin, or the desire to please myself, but I will follow You all the days of my life. Those days are in Your hands. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord and Saviour. Amen.”
Congratulations brother for taking this step forward in your life. I believe you have begun treading the path that will give you peace, joy and ultimate satisfaction. Its no longer about you from today onwards. Its all about HIM (God). You’ve earned a ticket to eternal life.